Want to take a walk?

So the wind is blowing and I choose not to fire up the grill because I have no good windbreak. The wife says, "I know it's too windy to grill, but do you want to take a walk?" Now men, how am I supposed to answer that in a way I don't get in trouble?

So I said, "Sure."

I change into walking clothes and strap on my pepper gel, taser, and firearm (we live in a crazy liberal city you know!) and don a windbreaker. I sat down and put on my shoes and told the wife, "Ok, I'm done. I'm worn out just getting ready."

We walk outside and I go to the end of the driveway and say, "I'm done."

Almost to the top of the first hill she says she's feeling pretty good. Her exercise routine is toning her up, she says.

I replied, "Everything hurts. My calves hurt, my thighs hurt, my butt hurts, my back hurts."

One loop around our subdivision is a mile and a half. Halfway around the first loop the wife asks, "Are you ok?"

"No, I'm not ok. You're making me walk."

As we finish the loop in front of our house I start wobbling like I'm dying. She says, "I'm ok with being done."

I said, "C'mon, we're going again."

I was sweaty by the time we got back. It has been a minute since it was nice enough to get out and walk. I knew it was coming today. I told her it was not very smart on her part to make me exercise. She could collect the money a lot faster if she didn't. Then she started talking about changing how she cooks for me to speed up my exit.

Isn't life grand!?!