A woman appeared before the judge for beating her husband with a guitar. The judge thought to himself, this is a rather violent crime for someone I don't remember having been in my courtroom before. So the judge asked her, "First time offender?"
The woman replied, "No, first time a Gibson. Second time a Fender."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
I just went to a wedding that was so sad, even the cake was in tiers.
Have you ever been to a stand-up funeral?
So, you've never been to a wedding?
What kind of shoes do lazy men wear?
Loafers
What kind of shoes do you make out of bananas?
Slippers
What is a Ninja's favorite shoes?
Sneakers
Why does a nose not grow to be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
The school resource officer was called to the elementary school for a kindergartner resisting arrest.
He refused to take a nap.
My handwriting really stinks!
Maybe it's because I use a #2 pencil.
Did you hear everybody was all upset about the kidnapping at the primary school?
It's ok though. He woke up.
Did you hear about the mathematician who didn't like negative numbers?
He would stop at nothing to avoid them!
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